Interview with a Cougar Part 3
This interview is continued from “Interview with a Cougar, Part 2.“
…we somehow wound up in my bedroom. We were both heavily intoxicated and we wound up having sex. It was honestly the best sex I have had since….I honestly cannot remember when. After a few months of seeing each other (including a 3 some with his 20 year old friend) it kind of fizzled out. It was at this point I had apparently made a name for myself and had several young men in their late teens/early 20’s that were wanting to date me.
ODM: I see….so what exactly was it about 18 and 19 year old guys that did it for you?
Debra: At first it was the excitement of it all….then after a while it was really more about convenience than anything else. Everything was light and breezy….no pressure, no having to stress about going out or dealing with “issues” that most single men my age have. I did not need a man to take care of me financially, so that really only left one particular area that needed to be serviced.
ODM: What did your friends think?
Debra: I hang out with a loosely knit group of 30-40 year old professional women. We used to think of ourselves as the “LA version” of Sex and the City. Having a 19 year old boytoy by my side was just like rocking the latest Prada handbag. It was the one fashion accessory that most women my age could not get because Father Time had not been as kind to them as he was to me. A few of my friends who had sons that were 18 and 19 years old did frown upon it a bit but I paid them no attention. “Jealousy” was the first word that crossed my mind whenever someone said something negative…
ODM: So after the initial excitement died down….when did you start taking interest in seriously dating younger men for a committed relationship?
Debra: I would say probably after the first year or so. I only dated 4 guys in that period of time, and all were brief flings. I was at one of the local bars down in Newport Beach with a group of girlfriends. There was this one young man, impeccably dressed….and he had this air of confidence to himself that is normally found in professional men in their 50’s and 60’s. He was the one who approached me and we spent the entire night together drinking and dancing. He asked for my phone number at the end of the night and I really didn’t give it any second thought. I was not expecting him to call me back. Sure enough a few days later my phone rings and he was asking me out to dinner. One thing led to another and in a few short weeks we were boyfriend girlfriend. During the entire course of that relationship, it became very clear to me that dating younger men was the only way to go. An older man could NOT possibly give me everything this 25 year old had to offer. Great body, hot looks, funny, charming, not jaded, no ex-wife/alimony/child support baggage…..Just a great human being that loved to go out and enjoy life. Isn’t that what we are all looking for?
ODM: Are you still dating him?
Debra: No, it ended after about 8 months for reasons that I would rather not get into. We are still very good friends and I care a lot about him.
ODM: Are you single now?
Debra: Yes.
ODM: Where do you go to find younger men? How do you go about approaching them without it turning into a potentially awkward moment?
Debra: Well, truth be told….there have been no awkward moments when it comes to picking up younger guys. If I’m out at a trendy bar or even at the supermarket I can tell right off the bat that they are into me. If I can compare men to books for a minute…..the “older” men in their 40’s and 50’s are kind of like an advanced Trigonometry math book. Hard as hell to understand their motives/intentions and even harder to force myself to like. Younger men in their late teens/early 20’s are kind of like a Dr. Seuss book. Fun, entertaining and by just looking at the cover of the book, you already know what it’s about. Hop on Pop; Green Eggs and Ham, Thank you Ma’am.
When a 20 year old guy is staring at you from across the way, it is a pretty forgone conclusion that he wants to talk to you. Most guys that age are typically shy and as such I find myself being the one having to initiate conversation and breaking the ice. These same guys have told me that it was so easy to talk to me and that they felt very comfortable from the minute I walked over there and started to chit-chat. They also have told me that it is not the same way when it comes to talking to women their own age.
ODM: Let’s talk about the “S” word for a minute….
Debra: (nervous laugh)
ODM: “Sugar Mommy”. Do you find that most younger guys expect you to pay their way and shower them with gifts and whatnot?
Debra: Honestly? No. Most guys that age are poor, broke college students and are somewhat shy about going out because they feel that they have to pay because they are the guy. I make it a point to let them know from the start that I realize that they are just starting out in life and I have no problem footing the bill most (read: all) of the time. They seem to like it. My last boyfriend was a sophomore in college and was working as a waiter making minimum wage and tips. I think that amounted to a little under $250 a week in take-home. I took him out one weekend to South Coast Plaza (an affluent mall located in Orange County, Ca. – Karen) and bought him $2500.00 worth of new clothes. About half of that was spent on dress clothes. I would also give him $500 a week in cash to spend on food/etc. Life is tough when you are in your early 20’s, going to school and working a crap job. I had the means to support him and I also cared very deeply for him….so why not?
ODM: Where there ever any indications that he was just using you for sex and money?
Debra: Never did that thought occur to me. You can pretty much tell within the first few dates if it is going to turn into a real relationship or just some fling. I’m over the “flings” and am looking for a real relationship.
ODM: Have you ever tried an online dating service?
Debra: I am currently a member of 2 online dating services. There seems to be one in particular that for whatever reason attracts younger men looking to date older women. With online dating, it is very easy to weed out the good ones from the bad ones and at the end of the night I’m not stuck with a $150 bar tab and a hangover the next morning.
ODM: So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years from now?
Debra: In a loving, committed relationship with a man 15-20 years my junior. I realize that society in general is becoming more liberal and accepting than it was 20 years ago. Although, there are still people out there who frown upon my choice of lifestyle. I realize this and as such try to keep my dating preferences a secret as much as I can. At the end of the day and when it is all said and done, all that matters is that you are spending the night with the person that makes you happy the most.
ODM: Do you have any thoughts for young men/older women who are looking to try dating each other?
Debra: Sure.
Younger men: If it is just a sexual fantasy to “hook up” with an older woman, and you have no further intentions in life than that, please let them know from the beginning. Even though we are a bit “older”, we still have feelings. If you are looking for a relationship, be honest and treat us with respect. We have a lot to offer you (more than most women your age) and you will soon come to find out just how rewarding it is to be dating a woman that is older than you.
Cougars: This is it ladies. We have finally come to a point in life where we don’t need a man our age to take care of us financially. We are tired of the b.s. that is sometimes associated with dating men our own age. Be proud of the fact that you are a liberated, strong female and empower yourself in your daily life. When you are dating younger men, realize that even though they are younger, they are still men. There are good apples and there are bad apples. Keep your eyes open, and feet on the ground and when you do finally find that special guy you will find yourself experiencing a richness in life in ways you never thought imaginable.
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September 8th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Wow, i wish i found a female like this lol.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I think she is disillusioned if she thinks she is having real relationships with those boys…and that they were not with her for the money…
January 8th, 2010 at 2:17 am
I used to live in LA I got to the part about spending $2500 on clothes and giving the guy $500 a week and started thinking…is she trying to emulate “Samantha Jones”? Oh my!! I agree with Jane. When I was in my twenties guys dating cougars always did it to make themselves feel better (that they could interest woman from a huge age range) and because it often involved access to a lifestyle beyond what they could afford…hence…not centered around the special cougar’s personality.
January 15th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Special cougar personality? Ladies, we should be congratulating and encouraging more women like her. She’s a smart, independent and clearly an attractive and successful woman. She is going in with both eyes open and doing what older successful men do which is dating younger people and enjoying their, um, benefits. If she chooses to spend her money on someone with whom she’s in a relationship, that’s her choice. Many of us younger women writing commentary here will be in our 40s and 50s before we know it. If I’m single then, you better believe I’m thankful for women like Karen who make it more common to date younger men.
January 15th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Thanks, Kate
I think society needs to view “cougars” in the same regard that they view males who date younger women (by choice). I’m VERY quickly closing in on 40′s and that is damn scary. If I happen to meet a nice guy that is 10-20 years younger than me….so what ?? !!
The only thing that matter is what makes you happy (as long as it isn’t illegal). I don’t see why people (especially in this day and age) still bat an eye when they see an older woman with a younger guy. Yes, the guy probably has an older woman fetish and vice versa….and he realizes that an older woman can take a little bit better care of them financially than her 22 year old counterpart. But at the end of the proverbial day….who is being hurt here besides the 20 year old girl that he left in favor of an older woman? It’s a big sea, sister….find yourself another fish.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
What about those older women who don’t have cash to spend on younger boyfriends?
What about those? Does that mean they won’t be able to afford younger lovers?
February 10th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Of course not, Just Asking.
There is a huge movement out there dedicated to younger men who like to date older women. Give me about 2-3 weeks and I will be posting an interview about a 26 year old guy who only has sex with women over the age of 40.
The interview is scheduled for 2 weeks from today and I am very interested to hear what he has to say. I spoke with him briefly over the phone this evening (pre-interview) and the tales he told just amazed me.
I think once we hear what the males have to say, it will all become very clear for those females (and younger males) who wish to live this lifestyle.
Since you had the good timing of posting a response to this article (on the same night I had the first phone interview) I am going to give you a little tip:
There are MANY young men out there who are ready/willing/able to have sex/a relationship with an older women. The problem is that they don’t know how to get started. My intentions with this upcoming interview will be to give both cougar and cub (the guy) a clear idea on how to approach this type of lifestyle so that both parties can benefit.
April 29th, 2010 at 8:14 am
I am 42 I have been married 3 times my last husband just turned 27 we were like soul mates we had a awesome relationship and just trails in life separated us and our love just wasn’t enough. We were together 9 yrs. I am now in a early relationship with a 25 yr old male. They are exciting fun to be around. I’m just not really attracted to older men or men my age. It’ s a big turn off. People tell me I look really young for my age. So I have that advantage. I try and stay in shape. Seems like older guys are to set in there ways and lazy. The young guys are hard workers and full of life.They actually breath life back into us older women and its just a number anyway I don’t act my age at all.
May 27th, 2010 at 8:35 am
I love dating younger guys they make u feel so special, but am at the point of my life that i want to settle down with someone and have a clean relationship am starting to date is 25 year old and am 41 it dont seem to bother him, people have told me that i dont look like i have 41 years and ontop of that it seems that and older man does not come up to me it seems that younger guys are more attracted to me so i really dont know how and older guy would be but i really agree with being with a younger guy!
June 4th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
I am presently datinga 21 year old and i am 42 years old loveing everyday of it.We been together a year we both work and he gose to college.Our sex life is incredible ,we foot the bill in half and really enjoyed our life together..I could not ask for a better man or lover that keeps on my toes.
June 27th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Hi there, I met a guy who is 21 and I’m 42. He’s very nice, but much much much less experienced than me. I don’t want to get married or anything, but I feel guilty about giving him his FIRST experience like that. Any suggestions. I mean sure it’s sexy hot, but when do I say? enough is enough. Get it Boy!
March 8th, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Iam a 46 year old woman who is happily married to a 54 year old man…But I still get the chatting ups by younger men…I dont dress old ..I like to keep my clothes youthfull but NOT Mutton dressed up as lamb… this young 19teen year old tried to chat me up while waiting for a train ..a wedding ring makes noo difrence..I find it a compliment….I must be doing some thing right all these years …My husband calls me cougar joking around ..
March 29th, 2011 at 7:12 am
As a man in his mid-30′s dating a woman in her early 50′s, I can confirm and dispute a few things this lady says. Technically, I’m older than the guys she was specifically talking about, but my girlfriend of 2.5 years is 18 years older than I am. When we started dating, I was 32 and she was 50.
1. I have a career of my own. I don’t need anyone to pay my way. I’m the man, and I expect to pay when we go out.
2. Attempting to be delicate: She is absolutely right about “that one thing” your 20-something girlfriend does in bed being nothing more than a cheap card trick. Seriously…women in their 40′s and 50′s are generally amazing in bed.
3. She forgot to mention that these younger men ALSO have feelings, and if an older woman is just out for a fling with a younger guy, she needs to let him know from the start.
The main benefit, in my opinion, of dating an older woman is that they tend to have qualities that younger women generally do not: Like elegance and class. Sophistication and intelligence. THOSE are the reasons to pursue an older woman.
June 5th, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I am 40 years old and have been divorced for 5 years. I have been in a relationship with a guy that is 10 years younger than me for over 2 years. I have never given him an allowance, bought him overly expensive gifts, or caought him cheating.
We have a lot in common, get along great, and enjoy eachothers company.
There have been times where there have been the raised eyebrows when people find out our age difference. But I will say that I look damn good for my age and have always been approached by younger men.
So for the older women and younger women that frown on this or have something to say such as they are only using us……I beg to differ.
Yes, Im sure there are some that make a career out of milking a cougar to get thru college or just to have a free ride, but there are also plenty of good younger men out there too that just simply have their reasons for liking older women. As far as if they get and accept gifts and money…..older men that date younger women do the same thing….give nice gifts and allowances. Probably some of you have been that younger woman a time or two yourself.
So, quit hating and saying negative things to try and make another woman feel less of a person, used, and not worthy of finding love with someone younger. It happens everyday. Sounds to me like some are just miserable with their own life.
To all fellow cougars…..keep doing you!